


Sorry for the Inconvenience, I'm not Avoiding you (I Swear)

by 3x3



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, M/M, i mean..., please don't expect too much because I can't actually write, please teach me how to title because I sure as hell can't do it, so unbalanced I cringe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 14:48:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11233227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3x3/pseuds/3x3
Summary: The last thing Futakuchi Kenji wants is to hike nine floors up the stairs to his new apartment carrying all his boxed shit for moving in.But he supposes he hasn’t got much of a choice since the elevator chose that exact day to break down.“We’re deeply sorry for your inconvenience, Futakuchi-san.” said the apartment manager.It is a hassle.(If he leans in to the shut metal doors, he can faintly hear the weak whirring of gears trying to slot into place, the soft metallic clicks humming along.)Apparently, one can never reach the bottom limit of bad luck. It just keeps getting worse and worse and not any better.(Kenji learns that lesson firsthand when his ex turns out to be his new neighbor.)





	Sorry for the Inconvenience, I'm not Avoiding you (I Swear)

**Author's Note:**

> Does this feel rushed? That's because it is kind of rushed.  
> Dialogues, a LOT of them.  
> Yep that's about it.  
> Longer than anything I've ever written before, so I apologize if it feels hollow...... I don't know how to handle words and scenes.

**_It's official. The entire world hates me. That's okay. I hate it too. Except for the saving grace of this universe that is sour gummies. I can never hate sour gummies._ **

**_Oh, and he's back to haunt me again._ **

Kenji clicks on the STOP button on the screen and the timer halts. He presses SAVE and names the file March 25th

* * *

 

The last thing Futakuchi Kenji wants is to hike nine floors up the stairs to his new apartment carrying all his boxed shit for moving in.

But he supposes he hasn't got much of a choice since the elevator chose that exact day to break down.

"We're deeply sorry for your inconvenience, Futakuchi- _san_." said the apartment manager.

It is a hassle.

(If he leans in to the shut metal doors, he can faintly hear the weak whirring of gears trying to slot into place, the soft metallic clicks humming along.)

 

It isn't his best day, really. His first day in this new city. Tokyo. There is so much confusion, and so many things he isn't used to yet. The whole day has been a disastrous hurricane of trying to find his way around the place. (The heavy traffic and blaring honks make him almost deaf, and the flashing street lights of overflowing traffic signs and gigantic electronic billboards blind his sight.)

Miyaji feels so small compared. Small. More human. Closer to the heart. More like home.

However he is not in Miyaji anymore. He tells himself that, and shuffles along the hoards of bumbling people hustling about the zebra crossing.

First day is always tough.

There is a friend who lives there, and offers to help him settle in. ("I don't live far from your apartment, do you need me to guide you, Futakuchi- _san_?") Kenji declined him politely. He didn't want to bother anyone if not absolutely necessary. Besides, he had confidence that he could handle things on his own. (Also, Akaashi has an insanely busy schedule, and Kenji doesn't have the heart to take away his friend's scarce moments of downtime.)

First mistake of the day.

He gets lost almost the second he steps out the train station.

There are too many people and too many things, and the ground is a bit slippery because of the light fuzzy rain dropping down overheads. He would've taken out his phone for directions but the battery immediately died out. So instead he treks down the road, trying to spot a convenience store so he could find an electric socket. And when he finally does, he no longer knows where he is, so he has to call up a map on his phone.

The tiny trickle of shower turns into a full-out downpour.

He finally has enough electricity to make it (barely) to his new apartment from where he is now, and he sets out into the storm.

(It bugs him and irks at him because the heavy rain is starting to awaken an unpleasant memory and he hates it. It's a bad sign. A shiver travels down his spine and he briefly wonders if this rain is going to summon the devil he's been so dreading to reunite with.)

Kenji's umbrella almost snaps from the strong wind. His shoes and socks are soaking wet, and his phone is blinking, threatening to die on him again. He curses, pushing his way into the building.

And that's when he heard the bad news of the elevator breaking down.

 

The only relief is that the moving company also chose that day to be too busy, and could only deliver some of the boxes on time. It would've been a huge bother, but now the news is like coal in the winter, providing a warm steady heat. (Well, if the coal is about as big as your thumb and you've already been freezing for three days.)

 

He takes a deep breath.

Everything looks high up if you're standing at the right angle, (for example, at the very base of a huge flight of stairs, craning your neck to peer over the huge box blocking your view) even with Kenji's towering height of 184 centimeters.

It takes him a few trips to get everything up, and by the time he gets to the end, he is sweaty and a bit out of breath.

Kenji wonders if he could handle the last two boxes with just one trip.

(It's not the best decision. But he thinks that with the luck he's having today, he must have used up all the negative energy. After all, he can't always stay this unlucky. Besides, those two boxes were the lightest two of all.)

He tries anyway.

He should've known better.

At first it was going alright. His fingers are burning and his back aching, a dribble of sweat blurs over his view, but he is somewhat still steady in his steps.

But here's the thing with humans: the first trip up nine flights of stairs was alright, a bit irritating, but bearable. So was the second trip. Then the third trip comes around, followed by the fourth, fifth... And with each trip, the stairs seem to be stretching higher and higher up, creating new footings and even more slopes.

When he finally gets to the top, he loses his balance in the split second he gets distracted when a shadow flashes by.

Kenji yelps, and stumbles, his boxes sliding out of his arms and hitting the ground with a dense sound. He reaches out, flailing his arm, trying to grasp on to something (anything). How ridiculous he must look (at least to the guy to whom the sudden shadow belongs).

He doesn't fall, miraculously. Warmth spreads onto his palm and he realizes someone is holding it, then, a strong pull, and he is back on his own feet. Kenji shakes his head, trying to get rid of the dizziness. He blinks, and freezes when an oh too familiar voice says, "Hey, you okay there? You must be the new neighbor. I'm-"

There comes the devil.

"Oikawa- _san_?" Kenji blurts, lifting his head.

The other man freezes, shock and disbelief written all over his (long memorized) features.

"Niro- _chan_..." he whispers, hardly audible. "How-?"

Kenji has never really believed in karma, but he is quite certain that he hasn't done anything rotten enough to make Fate hate him.

And if Fate doesn't hate him, why would it, after making Kenji face so many hardships that day already, jump his ex-boyfriend on him?

Kenji does the only rational thing when he finally snaps out of the horrors of the new discovery and quickly withdraws his hand. (Oikawa is looking down at his own that has just held Kenji's, and his expression is one of a paralysis, like he just got stung or burned.)

He does a tiny bow and mutters a "Thank you." before things gets awkward, then quickly retrieves his boxes and pushes them through the door, closing it behind him with a click.

(If Kenji looked out of the peephole at the moment, he would've seen Oikawa still standing there, a somewhat hurt expression on his face.)

He sits down and leans back on his door, rubbing his face tiredly and sighs.

His new apartment is still a mess. Boxes lying on the bare floor randomly, bits of dust and specks floating in the air. Outside the window, the rain has stopped as abruptly as it came, and a sliver of afternoon sunlight splashes past the neat curtains, spraying the floor with golden.

Kenji closes his eyes.

What is he even doing living here? According to Kenji's memory, Oikawa's university isn't even close to the place.

(Kenji had specifically made sure of that.)

His life is a mess.

* * *

 

**_Ever have that moment when suddenly your entire past crashes over you and engulfs you whole, forcing you to recount every single detail of that black history you can't look at?_ **

**_That's me earlier today._ **

**_No thanks to the bastard from across the hall._ **

**_——_ ** **_March 26 th_ **

They were both still high-schoolers back then.

Kenji was a second-year, and Oikawa in the year above him.

He'd heard about Aoba Johsai. (Of course, who hadn't? The powerhouse of the Miyaji Prefecture, second to only Shiratorizawa. Coach Oiwake couldn't stop grilling them about the team.)

They clashed during Spring High, and Datekou lost with Kenji leading the team. It was absolutely awful.

He wasn't the kind of guy who was sentimental. (Not at all.) In fact, he felt nothing at all when the scoreboard on Seijoh's side turned to 25. (Only disappointment. And the sudden feeling of collapsing. It was so anti-climatic. There was a sound banging somewhere in his chest, but otherwise he was empty inside.)

They shook hands under the net, him and Oikawa Tooru. (He was just Oikawa Tooru, captain of Aoba Johsai back then.) His hands were sweaty, and his fingers stiff. The other teen just felt smug. (Yes, Kenji could feel it just through a handshake. That's how smug Oikawa Tooru was.)

When they pull back, Kenji clenched his fists, just a little. To Seijoh, Datekou was just about as intimidating as a ankle-high wall.

At least that's what Kenji thought.

 

(Oikawa Tooru never missed any player, but most weren't able to catch his eye on their own.)

 

Kenji accidentally bumped into him outside the gymnasiums.

Or, more accurately, Oikawa Tooru spotted him and said to his teammates _I'll catch you later_ , before coming his way.

He eyed the other captain suspiciously as he came closer.

"You're Date Kougyou's second-year captain." he said to Kenji.

"And you're Aoba Johsai's third-year captain, what's your point?" he shot back hotly. "How are you handling losing to Karasuno?"

A flash of annoyance flickered on his pretty face, and Kenji felt a rush of satisfaction.

"What's your name?"

"Futakuchi Kenji."

"Futakuchi..." Kenji watched as the teen murmured to himself under his breath. "How do you feel like being a Niro- _chan_?" [※ Futakuchi in hiragana is written as二口, but if you pronounce the characters using katakana, ニ（に‐Ni）ロ（ろ‐Ro）]

"Do you do this to everyone? Nicknames when we're totally strangers?" Kenji couldn't help but ask.

Oikawa only hummed. "Yes. That's exactly what I do."

(Not many people can leave Futakuchi Kenji speechless, but he supposed with someone as shameless as Oikawa Tooru, he couldn't do much about the expected.)

"That's dumb."

"I don't mind being called dumb so fire your insults away."

(What a childish thing to say.)

"I'm not going to insult you, Oikawa- _san_ ," Kenji sighed. "Why are you talking to me right now?"

Oikawa blinked. "You know my name."

"Everybody knows Oikawa Tooru." Kenji told him. "Besides, even if I didn't know, a quick look at the Tournament team lists was all it would take. Not much, when you think about it."

Oikawa laughed, and his voice was a clear bell, a bit over-the-top, but not overly obnoxious, much to his surprise. "If you say so, Niro- _chan_."

"Will you answer my question?" he said impatiently.

"Right." he settled for a smaller smile, soft, but it felt more real. "I thought my purpose would be obvious to someone like you, but stating it out loud wouldn't hurt me anyway, so here goes: I think you're very interesting, and I would like to get to know you better."

"Excuse me, but I don't normally go out with strangers I've just met."

Oikawa snorted. "No, no, Don't worry. I'm not hitting on you. Yet, at least. You'll _know_ when I'm hitting on you. It's just... I think you're different."

"Oh?" Kenji smirked, raising his eyebrows. "Thanks, I've always known I am a special snowflake, but _do_ enlighten me."

"Well, for starters, you appear to have no boundaries between yourself and your upperclassmen."

"I've been told that many times." He smiled sweetly. "If you want to catch my attention, try again."

"Ahh, but here's the thing," Oikawa's eyes glinted with glee. "I already have. See, you don't have the prettiest captain of the entire Miyaji Prefecture chatting with you every day."

"Yes, I know that's exactly how I got you to be heads-over-heels for me, but carry on."

It was a pleasure seeing him startled. (Kenji had to stifle the urge to laugh at the priceless expression.)

Oikawa looked like he had a retort ready to jump from the tip of his tongue when there was a call from his teammate. ("Oi, Shittykawa, get a hurry on.") He redirected his gaze back to Kenji after briefly shooting his teammate a "Coming".

"I should get going."

"Wow," Kenji mocked. "And I thought you were just trying to ask me out. You're giving up just like that?"

"Like I said, I'm not trying to ask you out." Oikawa winked. "Don't worry though, I have my ways. I'll be seeing you around, Niro- _chan_."

Then he was gone.

They were both just joking around, making peace, Kenji couldn't know that better. Their personalities were too much alike for them to be able to stay in the same room for long without tearing one another's throats out.

Correction: he didn't know what Oikawa thought. (The guy was unreadable.) But he annoyed Kenji way too much, hell, he almost ripped Oikawa's arm out of his socket before the game when they shook hands. (Then again, they were both tense at the time, Kenji especially, for he was still a new captain, and the game they had the previous game didn't go as smoothly as he would've liked.)

 _Maybe Oikawa Tooru would be interesting_ , is what he told himself.

 

Things escalated quickly. Somehow the Seijoh complacent brat of a captain managed to get Kenji's e-mail address, and his phone number. (The bastard had asked Mai, it turned out. Sneaky asshole.)

To his credit, Oikawa Tooru _was_ pretty interesting. He was always sending Kenji peculiar messages and he was constantly popping up in Kenji's way. He was also super annoying, the spams and his buzzing presence, his bubbly demeanor. (Usually Kenji was the one who drive other people crazy, it's fresh, _unnatural_ to have the roles reversed.)

Obviously two can play at that game. Kenji never could keep his snarky remarks to himself, and Oikawa was always able to shoot back a comment just as witty.

It wasn't even long, (just a couple of months) before they started going out.

(Called it "going out", but neither of them actually shot the question. One day they both realized that what was "natural" for them, seemed awfully intimate.)

There was a confirmation somewhere along the way, when one day walking on the street and their hands find themselves intertwined together. "What are we doing, Oikawa- _san_?" Kenji asked, laughing.

"Well I thought it was obvious, Niro- _chan_." the older teen scoffed. "Nothing wrong with a little PDA between boyfriends."

"If you say so." he snorted.

 

That was three years ago.

* * *

 

**_Eri and Rin came today._ **

**_School season is just around the corner._ **

**_I still need to get everything in check. It's a pain. And it would've been easier if someone would stop being so frustrating._ **

**_——_ ** **_March 28 th_ **

The phone rings.

It's the third in a row, and Kenji recognizes the ringtone way too well.

He doesn't want to pick it up, but his little sister (who is visiting for the day with his elder sister to see him settle in) is complaining about the noise, so he is left with no choice but to answer.

He doesn't know what to say.

"Niro _-chan_?" came the tentative voice over the phone, low and mild, like he didn't wish to disturb anyone. (He is way too late for that.) "You picked up."

Kenji can't help but feel a trace of annoyance flaring up inside him when he catches the surprise in the caller's tone.

Why would you even call someone if you never expected them to answer?

(He knows what to say now.)

"Rin thinks your stupid ringing is too loud." he says curtly. "Why are you calling, Oikawa- _san_? What business do we have left?"

"You weren't so snappy when you moved in the other day."

"Yeah that's that. And it's over. Stop clinging onto something that doesn't exist. Though I must admit I thought that you would be ringing my doorbell instead, even if it's just to save money for your phone."

"...I thought I would save us the awkwardness."

"Like this is less awkward?"

"Or do you prefer I go knocking on your door right now?"

"What do you want from me?"

"I don't want anything from you." the teen from the other side of the line cuts in. "I want you to try to accept that no matter you like it or not, I'm going to fix whatever went wrong these past few years."

"There's no fixing that would help." Kenji tells him. "Want to know what went wrong? Everything. That's why it's beyond repair."

"How would you know that if you haven't even tried?" Oikawa's voice is awfully small.

"Let's see," Kenji sneered. "I suppose you could eat my ass."

"Is that how you talk to your seniors?"

Kenji's heart clenches, much to his own annoyance. He remembers there once was a simpler time when Oikawa would've just smirked and replied with a quirky _Nasty, Niro-_ chan _. But if you insist~_

Those times were far over. (For good.)

"So now it's back to that, huh? What? You're my upperclassman, Oikawa- _san_ , I know that. I apologize for my childish, unwanted opinions that offended you, I never meant to be disrespectful." he almost spits.

"I didn't mean it like that." Oikawa protests. "I was-You know, Niro- _chan_? You could use some more trust in the goodwill of people. Maybe you will finally stop perceiving the world as such a rotten place."

"I'm sorry that trust doesn't come so easily to me." Kenji barks out a laugh. "Gee, I wonder whose fault it might be?"

"So it's only me who's at fault here? You're targeting me again, Niro- _chan_."

"Your words, not mine."

Oikawa sighs. "Look, I understand that you were upset. But it's been two years since then."

"And you're wondering if my emotions have mellowed out?" he asks bitterly. "It doesn't just go away, Oikawa- _san_ , not even after two years. No, I'm not upset. Never have been, really. Disappointment? Yes. Rage to the point that I would love to smash your pretty face in? Most certainly. But I wasn't upset. I told you there's no fixing this because there is nothing left for you to fix."

"Do you hate me, Niro- _chan_?"

"Yes." Kenji answers without a hint of hesitation. It claws at him, desperate marks all over the inners of his chest.

"Did you love me?"

(His tongue turns to steel in his mouth and he can no longer find his voice and trust his words to be rational.)

"Irrelevant." he ends up saying, ignoring the waves crashing in his ears and the storm raging in his mind. "The past is the past, and always will be. Is that all that you called for, Oikawa- _san_? Stupid questions?"

"I think it's plenty, and they're not stupid." Oikawa mumbles. "Okay, I'm calling to say that you can't avoid me forever. And if the sight of my face makes you want to shred it to pieces, then I suggest we do something about it."

"To keep me from straight up murdering you?"

"To keep you from a lawsuit."

His heart skips a beat, and he scowls to himself. (This is the exact kind of retort Oikawa gives. He hates himself for paying attention.)

"Should I be thrilled?"he hopes that there's more venom on his tongue than he feels.

"You should be _prepared~_ "

All of a sudden, he feels like their old selves are back, with the teasing and the banter and-

The phone beeps, indicating the end of the call.

It's gone.

Kenji lets out a frustrated groan.

He should've turned his phone off instead.

 

"Who's that on the phone?" Kenji's sister asks, looking up from where she is unpacking a box.

"Oikawa- _san_. He's my new neighbor."

She sees the situation in no time.

"You need to stop hurting over him. It's been so long already."

"I'm not hurting, Eri."

She only gives him a look of sympathy.

(She knows he's lying. He can see right through her eyes, like he has always done since they were kids.)

"Will you be alright?"

"Please, sis, have some faith in your lil bro." Kenji tries to laugh it off. "I just got here. I'm not leaving for a few good years. Well, at least however long it will take me to graduate from university."

(She isn't convinced. The tug at her lip gives everything away.)

She says nothing, but give him a good ruffle on the head when she leaves with their little sister's hand in hers.

* * *

 

**_Note to self: when you're trying to avoid someone living in the same neighborhood, it's probably not the best idea to shop at the nearest grocery store._ **

**_Also, I am not chicken. Most definitely not._ **

**_——_ ** **_March 30 th_ **

He's running out of time. He glares at the circled date on his calendar.

But for now, the urgent business at hand is that he gets his shopping done ASAP. He really should've done it earlier, but he's been so busy he handled all his meals with a short trip to the convenience store. Just because karma is literally banging at Kenji's door doesn't mean he has to hide inside his apartment, starving himself to death in the process just to wait for it to go away.

Besides, Kenji has always believed that in order to get rid of bad luck, you have to accept it and embrace all that comes to the fullest, not trying to _avoid_ it. That way when the whole ordeal is over, he will be left with nothing but the best luck one can ever ask for.

(At least, that's what he hopes.)

But as Kenji hides himself behind a column of shelves in the supermarket, trying to block himself from Oikawa's view, there is a horrible moment when he can't help but wonder if he'll ever survive through what is apparently Fate's test upon him.

(He doesn't curse his body much but _darn_ he is so sure that if Oikawa bothered to take a small step to the left he would have nothing left to shield himself with his height and dangling limbs.)

The supermarket is buzzing with commotion, as well as it should be, but Kenji stayed deadly quiet. (There is nothing louder than the screech of the alarms ringing off frantically in his mind. WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!)

He is roughly reminded of that gross video game the captain squad played together in one of their "captain gatherings" (which is actually just lousy sleepovers filled with bloodshot eyes for staying up the entire night.) The one with the weird apocalyptic world of zombies. Hiding and shielding behind doors, walls, watching the oxygen level of the player (from holding his breath to keep quiet). The graphics were pretty awful, honestly. But they were a bunch of sleep-deprived teenagers. They died more times than they could count. (Shirabu was particularly jumpy, hissing every time a jumpscare appeared onscreen.)

Of course, the game had a lot more blood and gore and screaming, and a lot less lighting to make it more spooky. The basics are alike though. Stay quiet, hold your breath, wait, count the seconds until they pass, _survive_. Then maybe the secret mission will take you to the next room on the map.

 _click_.

"...wish to achieve?"

Shit. Iwaizumi is there too.

"I don't know... I've never-" he falters off. "Doesn't matter. I'll find out along the way."

"Don't you find that a bit disrespectful? Being so...frivolous on a matter such as this."

"If I never made the first move, I'd still be nowhere right now." he hears Oikawa say. "I was scared that I would miss the right moment."

"You _are_ nowhere." A push.

"Fair enough." A laugh. "But I'm getting somewhere. I'm certain of that."

The footsteps get more distant. Kenji shifts, letting out a low breath of relief.

A pull.

He freezes.

His jacket gets hooked without him noticing, and a box of cookies tumbles down the shelf.

Thud.

Kenji cringes, and shies away even farther against the side of the shelf.

But the duo don't seem to hear. Either that, or they don't care. When Kenji peeks out, he see them pushing out the front doors, bickering casually.

Kenji doesn't know if the hollow feeling settling in his chest is relief or disappointment.

* * *

 

**_Registration._ **

**_Shoot me please, might take the pain away._ **

**_——_ ** **_April 3 rd_ **

Some days he just sits there in front of his desk, wondering. (About everything, about nothing at all. His mind is a jumbled up place even he himself couldn't make any sense out of.)

It's one of the perks of not having a roommate. No one would be there to question you even when you're acting like a total paranoid freak-a-zoid.

The downside, though, of course, is that you have to pay the rent all by yourself, so the best apartment you could get would still be pretty shitty.

Also, the silence fills up the loneliness of the room way too well.

It's unnerving, in a way.

* * *

 

**_It's been quiet. Too quiet. He still hasn't shown himself for some reason._ **

**_I thought he was trying to "fix what went wrong"._ **

**_Glad to see that his plan is going on so well._ **

**_——_ ** **_April 9 th_ **

It's kind of ridiculous.

Kenji goes on about everyday life. He's careful, cautious, but soon found out that he didn't have to be at all.

He hasn't seen Oikawa ever since the supermarket.

And Kenji _should_ be happy, he knows that. It saves so much potential awkwardness and conflict.

But occasionally, at the corner of roads, or sometimes at behind that big tree in the local park, Kenji sees a passing shadow flash by, but whenever he tries to get close out of curiosity, the next moment, it's gone.

He wonders if he's getting illusions.

Or maybe...

* * *

 

**_He's still not around._ **

**_Did he give up? So soon? It's not like him. No, wait, it's exactly like him, once he discovers that it's too much of effort for him._ **

**_——_ ** **_April 13 th_ **

Kenji doesn't know how he feels anymore. Like an empty void in his chest. Hollow.

Maybe it's the stress of his schoolwork. Maybe it's worry for his mother and sister at home, without him being the man at home. Maybe it'll be gone as long as he is patient. Like his bad luck. (Even though he isn't sure that his _good_ luck has returned yet.)

Maybe he should take the world's old wisdom. Time heals everything. Let himself go with the flow.

* * *

 

**_It's him. The shadows. It's so obvious. I should've noticed it earlier..._ **

**_——_ ** **_April 20 th_ **

Oikawa always flees before Kenji has the chance to confront him.

It's irritating.

He thinks Oikawa should get the hint by that time. (But he doesn't seem to. Otherwise, why does he keep running away?)

It doesn't make any sense.

Oikawa said that he is going to fix their relationship. So far, he has done nothing of the sort.

Kenji breathes in, then out. He hates it.

He doesn't like it when he doesn't know what's going on. It makes him feel helpless, and...out of control.

Kenji should always be in control. How else will he be able to manage everything?

* * *

 

**_School. Yippee. Classes are torture. I am empty inside._ **

**_I need a coffee._ **

**_——_ ** **_April 26 th_ **

Kenji leans back into the chair, scrunching up his brows when he hears a tiny squeak from below him. (Must be the wooden leg. It looks old and ready to fall apart. Kenji wonders why they haven't replaced the chair yet. On that thought, the tables as well.)

He frowns down at the huge empty mug sitting in front of him. It's stained from the inside (ugly, dark smudges that looks like they've been plastered there forever), and the edge is chipped (sad, sad missing jagged bits, uneven, small but obvious).

His mug is empty now.

"You're stalking me, and probably trying to jump me as soon as you get the chance." Kenji says out loud to the half crowded cafe.

(A number of people whip their heads around to look at him. They probably think he's a lunatic. He ignores their gazes. They're strangers anyway.)

"Oikawa- _san_! Show yourself already!"

Something flashes at the verge of his sight.

(It's Oikawa, but he doesn't bother redirecting his gaze.)

He thinks he might need more caffeine.

* * *

 

**_I always called for ~~you~~ him._ **

**_But he never shows up. What a coward. I hope he would stop trailing me around and just come talk to me face to face. Then at least we could talk things out. Even though I just wish he'd stay away._ **

**_——_ ** **_April 29 th_ **

Kenji doesn't know what to expect anymore.

Now it's difficult to go through the day without thinking about Oikawa, minding of his surroundings, and unconsciously search for the familiar figure wherever he is. (A glimpse of brown hair was enough to tick him off.)

He wonders if it's all part of a scheme after all. Sounds just like him. Kenji knows him so much, from his laughs, his snark, the warmth along the lines of his palm, to the little jerks of his chin when he's gushing about things that make him happy. His sullen frowns, his secret plans when he's trying to be surprising, and just simply everything.

Kenji makes a strangled sound of frustration. Why are all the memories coming back? Why now, when he finally has a chance to move on?

He can't wait to say _I told you so_ to Mai's face.

Kenji needs to move on with his life. (And he's scared that with his past back to haunt him, he's not ever going to be able to do that.)

* * *

 

**_He's still avoiding me._ **

**_——_ ** **_May 4 th_ **

Kenji could tell.

(Honestly Oikawa isn't being very secretive at all.)

Even in the hallways, at the doors to their apartment, when they would bump into each other accidentally. "Sorry!" then Oikawa would flinch back, taking away his burning fingertips where their bare skins contacted like they are on fire. The (fixed) elevators, he would fall stiff and back away to the walls, awkwardly over-polite, gesturing Kenji to go up without him.

He is getting mixed signals, honestly.

Oikawa said that he was going to try to make things right, but all he's doing is hiding away. He wonders if he finally scared Oikawa away after all.

That's just what he does. Driving people away.

* * *

 

**_I realized that I was starting to be ridiculous with this constant recording. I'll make sure I have an actual point to make in the future._ **

**_Oh, and Oikawa is in the hospital._ **

"Futakuchi- _san_ , please pay more attention." his professor snaps his focus back into class before going back to the lecture.

He apologizes quietly and directs his gaze back to the front.

**_I should get back to class._ **

**_——_ ** **_May 9 th_ **

He sets a quick note of reminder in his phone and turns the screen off.

 

"Come on."

"Excuse me?" Oikawa scowls, squinting at Kenji, who is sitting on the base of the steps of the stairs. "Were you... trying to ambush me?"

"Yep." Kenji replies, popping the _p_.

"How long have you been here again?"

"Don't know, don't care."

"Okay... what are you doing?" Oikawa asks cautiously, inching his way towards the elevator subtly.

"You've been avoiding me." Kenji accuses. "It's annoying. So you're coming with me."

"For what?" he looks startled, not even remembering to protest.

"Coffee, of course. What else?" Kenji strides past him and hits the elevator button. "Going down." The doors groan open. He steps inside swiftly, and looks back at Oikawa. "Coming or nah?"

Oikawa stands there, dumbfounded.

"Going once, going twice." Kenji counts, holding up his fingers one by one. The elevator starts beeping.

The elder teen quickly takes a step forward into the small concealed box.

"Sold." Kenji says, and allows the metal doors to slide close, descending down to ground floor. "You're buying, you know?"

Oikawa doesn't react, but lean back against the wall.

The ride is mostly quiet, and Oikawa speaks just as the doors open. "I thought you didn't drink coffee."

"Who _doesn't_ drink coffee, Oikawa- _san_?" he pushes the doors to their apartment building wide, making way for his senior. "I didn't. Now I do. Everything changes, Oikawa- _san_. Sometimes it's a triggering thing, and sometimes it's just a habit becoming natural."

(He thinks Oikawa wants to ask him which was the case for him, but thankfully didn't. He wouldn't know what to answer. _After the breakup I got so messed up I started channeling my anger into a drink as black and moody as my dead soul?_ )

They continue the trip in silence, strolling down the roads, two grown towering men, shoulder to shoulder. (They make the path look narrower than it actually is. After all, both are over 180 centimeters.)

Kenji studies Oikawa secretly, peering at him every once in a while.

He looks...about the same as two years ago actually. Same height, same swishy hair, same horrifying sense of t-shirt fashion. (He used to look so much better just wearing his uniform, odd enough.) The way he kicks quietly at the little rocks on the side of the road. How he intentionally steps into water puddles from the tiny dribble of rain from overheads. (It may not have been wise to not bring an umbrella but not much can be done by this point.) Those stayed the same. Oikawa is still as easy to read as ever, at least to Kenji, but sometimes a fleeting look looms over his face like a shroud, and he becomes closed off again. (It's a look Kenji's never seen before.)

Somehow, despite still looking the same, something about Oikawa is different. He doesn't joke as much as he used to (though he guesses it's just because they're exes and things are awkward), he smiles less, and there's a frown on his brows. He's quieter, more reserved. Maybe it's age finally catching up because he looks less childish and more mature. (It's something Kenji doesn't know about him. It's new, _strange_.)

Kenji should feel relived. Because maybe things changed. And there's finally a way of walking out of his past but there's just something that's still so linked and it's him _his whole being his entire person_.

They find the local cafe, a small quaint shop it is.

A bell rings cheerily when Kenji pushes the door open.

They get in line.

"What are you getting?"

"Why do you mind?" Kenji laughs, retorting.

Oikawa simply raises an eyebrow at him. "I'm the one paying. I think I have the right to know."

Kenji ignores him, and shuffles forward.

"Why are you suddenly getting me out for coffee?"

Kenji ignores that too, and takes another step forward.

"Are you going to answer at all?"

_(It's the cafe you stalked me in last time. Do you remember?)_

Kenji turns impatiently and-

****

When the motorcycle crashes through the glass windows, Kenji could almost feel time slowing down. Skidding to a stop, frozen, like stuck in a goop of mud.

Tiles tend to get slippery when wet.

 

It's so clichéd that it's ridiculous. Really, how often does this kind of things even happen in real life?

Kenji feels like the main protagonist of some kind of crappy fanfiction. (Why else does these bizarrely dramatic events keep happening in his life? But he supposes he's a pretty dramatic person himself as well.)

 

He is there. But the thing is it's not like what the movies love to show, of how the main character just faints at an accident. He's so awake and alert of everything and he sees smoke black and thick and Oikawa and _blood_.

 

And himself standing next to the collapsed figure lying on the ground next to the spinning motorcycle.

 

Kenji is unhurt.

(The authorities don't give him a hard time before he is released.)

Completely. So is everyone else in the cafe, except...

(Yes, this is a cheesy romance film after all.)

* * *

 

**_Today is quiet._ **

**_He's not here anymore._ **

**_Like I said, he's in the hospital._ **

**_——_ ** **_May 10 th_ **

" _...what appears to be a motorcycle gone rogue._

_"Yes. It spiraled out of control, crashing into the cafe at the side of the road and an unfortunate college student got in the way of its front tire._

_"Unfortunately for him, indeed. He was immediately sent to the nearest hospital._

_"Yes, but lucky for the line waiting to get orders, had not been for the college student stopping the motorcycle ahead, it would've slammed right into all that cluster of people, adding more injuries._

_"So, in a way, he can be considered as a hero."_

Kenji shuts the television. He's seen the same piece of news the third time that day. Combined with the times he's seen the previous day, well, maybe the reporters really don't have other news to bring to the people. (Though Kenji doubts Japan is _that_ peaceful.) Either that or the news producers are just plain lazy.

He looks at the big box.

Kenji turns it on again. The electronic machine whirrs to life, lights and sounds blaring on.

When he was a little boy, he used to stare at the screen all day, watching little figures dancing across, and wondering who put them there.

Who put them there? Why? Will they ever be able to get out? Are they...stuck?

They didn't seem to be, yet whenever Kenji turned on the tv, there they were, continuing whatever it was they were doing earlier, with no sign of any sort of a break.

He thought that they must live there, permanently, like a cage.

Kenji knows the feeling of imprisoning someone.

He's done it since he was nine.

After his father left, his mother broke into pieces. She's there, watching over her kids, doing housework, paying the rent...but she's not. Her eyes were hollow, like she couldn't see. Her ears seemed deaf, and she was cut off from the world.

Kenji could see that all she wanted was to slip away.

But he never let her do it.

Day after day, relentlessly he reminded her that she had a family to look after. Three kids and a single mother against the world. He tried everything, from helping her with dishes, taking out the garbage. (Maybe she would notice the little things he did for her, and one day she would come back, with the warmest smile, ruffling his hair.) She didn't.

Kenji tried everything.

So he tried a different way. (He just wanted her to _look. Listen._ )

Misbehaving in class, getting purposefully rotten grades, even picking fights. (Not _picking fights, per say._ But his cutting remarks about his classmates often got him in trouble with the wrong crowd.) Anything to grab his mother's attention.

To keep her here. If she had something to worry about, she wouldn't just _disappear_ on them, right?

(He got scolded by Eri. Received frightened gazes from Rin. But he didn't stop. He had to keep their mother trapped in the real world.)

It didn't matter that his mother reacted with nothing more than a frown and a disappointed look at his bloody nose, then treated to his wound in silent. Kenji didn't mind. (Much.) As long as she wasn't _gone_ yet.

(In a way, Kenji thought he himself was imprisoned too. Imprisoned to guard his mother from drifting off.)

It was a long time ago, and his mother's condition is much more stable now, but he never forgot the choked feeling of having nowhere to go.

He has nowhere to go now.

He remembers a pale face, always smiling. Always _alive_.

His feet lead him to the hospital.

* * *

 

"Niro- _chan_?" he hears a yelp.

"Surprise." Kenji deadpans. "You're filled with joy and excitement at the moment upon my entrance, I can see."

"I'm...why are you here?"

"Iwaizu-" "Iwa- _chan_ , of course." Oikawa sighs. "And he claims that he has no interest in my affairs."

"Neither do I, I assure you." Kenji tells him. "I'm just here for some answers and confirmation."

"I'm nervous."

"Don't be. I'm not here to kill you." Kenji cocks his head. "At least not before I get what I'm here for. Until then, I can guarantee you'll be quiet alright. As for after that...let's just say it depends on your answers and the honesty they contain. What action I take after that doesn't concern you."

"What _are_ you here for?"

Kenji allows a tease of a smirk to show at the tip of his mouth." Answers and confirmation, Oikawa- _san_. I thought you were supposed to be _smart."_

Oikawa shoots him a menacing glare. Kenji can't help but notice that it would've had much more of an effect if the team was not lying on a hospital bed, leg in a cast and bandages all over his bare skin. "Bring it, then."

"Okay." Kenji shrugs, plopping down at the nearest chair he can pull out.

"Let's cut right into it. I've been told that you were not originally in the range of the crash. Is that correct?"

"I mean, if it veered a bit more to the left-"

"I've also been told," Kenji raises his voice, cutting into the conversation, "that at the moment, you were trying to stop the motorcycle from slamming into me from behind. Is that also correct?"

"Yes...well-" he admits grudgingly.

Kenji breathes out heavily. "Question, Oikawa- _san._ Are you an idiot, or have you finally lost your mind?"

"You weren't looking. No one saw it coming. Even if you did you wouldn't have had the chance to react."

"You saw. And you think it's okay to... guilt trap me?"

"I'm not _trying_ to guilt trap you."

"Well, you have. So congratulations!" he spits.

He feels small and hopeless and

(Rain. Why does it have to be rain? Why does it _always_ have to be rain? Just a tiny shower and still enough, more than enough.)

"How's your..."

He can't see the leg hidden under the covers and behind the cast but he imagines it to be all burned and _broken_.

It's the leg of his injured knee if Kenji remembers correctly. The one he busted before playing volleyball. He thought it got better but now he's not sure anymore. (Of course, now there's the motorcycle incident to add to the damage.)

It's...

"Don't cry, Niro- _chan_ " the tenderness Oikawa's voice holds is precious, vulnerable, breakable.

"I'm not crying." Kenji lies as tears stream down his face.

"You asked me so many things. Now I want to ask you something." Oikawa tells him. He doesn't say a thing, and the elder teen continues on anyway. "Remember on the phone when I asked you if you loved me?"

He barely nods.

Oikawa looks at him, gaze soft and almost fragile. "What were your true thoughts?"

Kenji contemplates whether or not to tell the truth. (To answer him at all.)

Finally he says. "I might have, given time. But we wrecked everything before it could be seen through."

He raises his head to study the other teen's expression: troubled, distant, lost in thought, and Kenji wonders if anything matters at all.

"What about now?" Oikawa is so gentle, more so than he ever knows. (Kenji wants to knock him unconscious so he would stop eying Kenji with pity.)

"I'm not answering that! It's a trick question." Kenji wipes at his cheeks furiously. "Why do you care? You never cared before. You never bothered trying before, why make an effort now?"

"It wasn't that I didn't _want_ to try." Oikawa objects. "You didn't answer your phone. You didn't reply to my texts. I was so close to going all the way to Miyaji, but Iwa- _chan_ convinced me that it would be stupid and pointless, and according to Yahaba- _chan_ it's like you reduced into a hermit." he says, explaining. "I caused all of that. I thought that if I stayed away you'd eventually cool down and talk to me again." the light in his usually bright eyes dim. "You never did."

"Yahaba Shigeru is a dirty, no good traitor spreading false lies about other people. And he's going to _get it_ the next time I crush him to pieces in our captain mini-matches."

Oikawa frowns at him. "You _are_ talking about my kouhai." (He doesn't mention the fact that they are no longer "the captains".)

"He gets it from _you_ , I see."

"This is what you do all the time. You just _attack_ at anything recklessly that comes into within half a meter radius of you." He catches himself, after realizing what he'd said. "I'm sorry. That wasn't _right_."

" _Whatever._ It's okay, because it's true. That's because it's all I ever learned to do." he laughs bitterly, "It's what I taught myself to do so I won't ever get hurt."

"Hurt from...what?" Oikawa's voice falters at the end, the end of his question falls short, trailing off.

"People. Situations. Everything. It's the best defense mechanism."

"It's not a good coping system." Oikawa crosses his bandaged arms. "Why won't you let me _help_?"

"You said you were going to _repair this,_ but you never did _anything_. And the first thing you do after so long is committing _suicide_?"

"I'm _not_ committing suicide." he grouches under his breath.

"You are not going to win me over by performing some fancy grand gesture or a stupid, spur of the moment kind of bravado." Kenji scoffs. "If that was what you had in mind."

Oikawa purses his lips. "Then what _will_ it take to win you over?"

"I thought you had a _plan_. Hopefully not doing the things above."

"I _do_ have a plan. And it was not that."

"What _is,_ then? Following me around in the dark, wagging your tail like a lost little puppy?"

The look in Oikawa's eyes gives everything away. (Kenji knows he's right. He feels miserable.)

"Seriously? I wasn't even trying to be right. _That_ is your grand scheme to fix everything?" Kenji laughs, and he thinks he might be hysterical. "I promised you I'd try to accept that but whatever you're doing, it isn't fixing. You're grabbing onto far away bits of the puzzle and trying to glue them into a side when they don't go together. Ignoring the parts that _do_. Lying to yourself. Deceiving your own eyes. It's pathetic."

"You said you'd try."Oikawa's voice is small. "You're not trying."

"Trying to do what? Play along with your silly games of some sort of redemption? _You're_ not even trying, Oikawa- _san_. Why should I? I don't fight for a lost cause, Oikawa- _san_." Kenji shakes his head. "Face it. We don't fit together. Hell, we never did. The only difference between now and then is that back then I still had enough of my heart and my foolishness to play forced pretend with you."

"Is that all this is to you? Everything? Just 'forced pretend'?"

"No." Kenji shakes his head. "It's not. At least that's what I once thought. Now I don't know anything. Tell you what, Oikawa- _san_? I'll let you in on a little secret. First year was fun. The best fun I had with someone other than family. Second year turned into a disaster. If only one of us had been sensible enough to suggest taking a break from all that, maybe we wouldn't have ended up where we are today."

"And now you're saying that it was the right call? Breaking up?"

"If done earlier, yes. But I guess I was too blind to think reasonably anymore. I blame it on you. Your plans are awful. Including this one, you know? If this hadn't happened, would you have kept hiding away?"

"No...?" Oikawa's voice is no louder than a whisper.

"The truth, Oikawa- _san_ , _please_."

"I thought it's what you _wanted_! To have nothing more to do with me." Oikawa argues.

"You said you were going to make a move. You can't leave a guy hanging, Oikawa- _san_. It's awfully rude." Kenji runs a hand through his hair swiftly, blinking away his tiredness. "Yes. I _do_ want you to stay out. Because it's affecting both of us. Your...method. I can't deal with it. You're there, but then again, not. It makes me uneasy. If you're not going to go on a more direct approach, I figured you might as well get the hell out of my business. But this?" he plays with the hem of Oikawa's bunk sheet, distracted. "This is entangling yourself even further. After this you just _can't go back to that. Here, but not here._ I don't want to keep you there anymore. At arm's length."

(It's too close. But at the same time too far away.)

"I was giving you...space. I thought it's what you needed if I ever want you to talk to me again."

"Well it's a horrible idea. To call your ex and telling him you want to _repair_ your relationship, getting his hopes up just a bit in the process, mind you, then steering completely clear and just _vanish_?" Kenji shakes his head. "I thought you were better than this, Oikawa- _san_."

"Because you'd just ignore me all the time." he huffed, frustrated. "You _have been_ for the past two years. What's this going to be any different. I thought that if I tried a different approach, maybe I could catch your attention."

"You caught my attention alright." he snorts. "Darn right. What are you going to do with it?"

(It's rare to catch Oikawa Tooru speechless, and Kenji plans on savoring the sweet sweet taste of it, letting every last bit of satisfaction soak into his being.)

"You weren't even _completely_ gone. You were always _there_ , _observing_ from the sidelines. You think I didn't notice? On the streets, up the building halls. That weird shadow. That was you, you _stalker_."

"I _wasn't-_ " he blushes. "Not on purpose! Look, it's not a very big neighborhood, okay? I didn't mean to- but you're just _there_ all the time. And I needed to steer clear. Keep a safe range. Out of your attack zone, preferably."

"I have an attack zone?"

"With bigger boundaries than you would imagine."

"Guess what, Oikawa- _san_?" Kenji steps closer, leaning forward and bending down, hands on his hips and jutting out his chest. "You really weren't _steering as clear_ as you thought." He reaches out, and fists the front of Oikawa's shirt. "That, or you just have the worst luck in the universe and also happens to be a horrible hide-and-seek player."

( _Tooru sucks in a rapid breath. Something in Futakuchi's gaze almost makes him look like... a predator.)_

"What if I tell you, I think it's the best? Best chances I ever had?"

"What?" Kenji snorts. "I guess you can look at it that way if you want. Worst possibilities have about as much probability as best ones. You might have won the lottery instead."

"No." he shakes his head slightly. "I meant- I was uncertain. Was I doing the right thing? Or should I've stayed away and out of your life completely? I kept running back into you. Maybe it's just me desperate for something to work, but can I just... stubbornly believe that it's the power of Fate? Urging me. Nudging me in the right direction..."

(His look is so intense, and Kenji glares right back, refusing to back down.)

"That's the cheesiest thing you ever said to me. And you're in a stupid cast because of your stupid foot that you injured doing something completely _stupid_."

(When he's close to hyperventilation, he reduces back to a much more scarce vocabulary.)

Oikawa's face phases from caring to frantic when he realizes that Kenji's eyes mist up again, and looks like they have no intention on toning down the waterworks (it's not like he can control them anyways but it's also a strange sight to behold-Oikawa in distress.) "Please! Look, I'm fine. It's not that big of an injury anyway. The doctors were stabling my cast just now!"

"I'm not crying." he lies again. "And even if I did, it wouldn't be because of your _foot._ Sheesh."

Oikawa halts. "If you are crying, then. What would you be crying about?"

"Imprisonment." His tears slide off his chin and drip onto the white sheets, splattering the bed damp with dark moist spots.

"Imprisonment?"

"And shadows. Things that are there and not there at the same time. Rain." his tears finally stop. (His mouth feels dry, and he thinks his lips are parched. He swipes his tongue over them, hoping to quench the burn.) "And that cup of coffee that I never got in the end."

Oikawa freezes, then breaks into a laugh. "Ahh, well, can't blame you. I would cry if I didn't get coffee as well."

Those few words are like a beam of light ripping past iced windows and into a dark room, echoing, bouncing off the walls and decorating the air around them.

Kenji sees that light. He wants to capture it, but doesn't know how. (Maybe Oikawa knows...) He doesn't know what to do with it, even if he _did_ manages to keep it. (Maybe he would give it to Oikawa?"

"You weren't telling the whole truth, were you, about staying away to give me space?"

"Well..."

"That was part of the reason, I could tell. But what's the other?"

"I...I was hoping that you'd feel bewildered by the lack of my approaches and eventually start to anticipate without knowing..." Oikawa looks away, suddenly fascinated by the hem of his bedding. (There is a slight pink dust on the skin where his high cheekbones hold up.) "When I say it out loud like that, it sounds lamer than I originally thought."

"It's lamer than even that." Kenji promises. "Don't worry, you ruined it with the stalking."

"It wasn't stalking!"

"Sure, sure." he laughs. "And your plans were horrid as always."

"They're not horrid." Oikawa grumbles. "It would've worked. No one could resist my charm."

"Of course, Oikawa- _san_." Kenji decides to humor him.

"Okay, but can we at least acknowledge the fact that I sacrificed my own safety to keep you from getting into harm's way, and while that was terrifically heroic, it was also perfectly romantic?" Oikawa slices into the change of subject easily, flashing a peace sign, smile ablaze.

Kenji scoffs indifferently. "For all I know, you might be shielding that cute girl in front of me."

"Oh, there was a girl there? I must have missed her." Oikawa says solemnly. "Then again, how would I have seen when you're the one filling my entire sight?"

"Word of advice, Oikawa- _san_ , if you want to get yourself a guy, you might not want to be calling him _fat_. Please. Some people can be sensitive about their body."

"Well, if you took your shirt off-"

"Fat chance, Oikawa- _san_."

"Fine." Oikawa huffs. "Word of advice, Niro- _chan_." he mimics. "If you have a guy pining over you and you perfectly well know it, might not want to be calling a girl _cute_ in front of his face. You might just break the poor boy's heart."

"You're jealous, Oikawa- _san_?" Kenji smirks, teasing now.

"Why, yes." Oikawa admits graciously. "You shouldn't be playing with my heart, Niro- _chan_. I thought the labels on the box when I sent it to you stated clearly: CAUTION! FRAGILE. HANDLE WITH CARE."

"I can appreciate beauty in all its forms okay?" Kenji throws his arms up in disbelief. "How are you even able to say all that embarrassing stuff without hesitation? Where'd your shame go?"

Oikawa grins crookedly. "Who said it was without hesitation? The key is not letting it show. But mostly, it's out of the power of love~ You quite excel at this too, Niro- _chan_ , don't beat yourself up. You just need more practice, and in no time, you'll be as shameless as I am!"

"I hardly think that's a good thing, Oikawa- _san_." Kenji replies drily.

"Nonsense!" Oikawa blinks. "You got the material. Use it. Works beautifully. Just don't use it on anyone else, will you?"

"Wow, stop flirting with me, Oikawa- _san_. Haven't made up my mind yet."

"So?" he smiles smugly. "You flirted _back_."

"Oikawa- _san_. You are an absolute living nightmare."

"Oh, stop." Oikawa fans at himself melodramatically. "As if you don't already own my entire _soul_."

"What did I say about flirting?"

"Yes, sir."

"You realize that if you were just some random guy who didn't know me, I would've already sent the police on your ass?" Kenji asks him, serious again.

"If that's the case, they would've been too distracted by my fine shape to arrest me." Oikawa laughs. "We're not strangers, though. Good thing. This is bad, Niro- _chan_. I thought you said you wanted to start again with a clean slate?"

Kenji gawks in disbelief.

Only Oikawa Tooru would have the nerve to laugh out loud at a time like this.

"I'm still cross with you."

His voice softens, and his gaze is gentle.

"I know. And I'm sorry."

Kenji cuts him off before he can say anything else. "Apologize properly. After you get out of here.. Then I'll consider. Maybe. In the meanwhile, I hope you think the whole thing over through and through." He holds out his tape recorder. "The full story is here. Or rather, part of the whole story, as seen by my point of view. A bit vague. But maybe it can give you some kind of insight. And maybe realize how big of a douche you were."

"I know I was a douche..."

Kenji tilts his head. "What _bigger_ a douche than you imagined you were, then."

* * *

 

Tooru studies the tiny machine.

A few easy buttons on the side, with obvious symbols painted.

He goes through the thing, and finds the ones dating back to two years ago. He hits the triangle for PLAY.

A track starts rolling.

**_I don't know what his problem is. Oikawa Tooru, that is._ **

Futakuchi's voice seeps through the speakers. **_He's a complete show-off, as expected. I don't know what his business with me is._**

The day they officially met. The day he finally knew _Futakuchi Kenji_.

The next track jumps. The date is jerking ahead.

**_He wasn't joking when he said he wanted to "know me better", whatever that means. The point is, he showed up again, though he claimed it was a coincidence._ **

**_Rin got a bit scared because he ambushed us. Tough luck for him, Rin just doesn't get first impressions out easily._ **

He remembers. The little girl with hair as chocolate brown as her brother's. Slightly longer, choppy. She has the cutest canines.

Oikawa smiles.

**_......_ **

**_......_ **

**_......_ **

**_He called me his "boyfriend" today._ **

**_So I guess that's a thing._ **

[A month blossomed into two, and he's still there, gifting him bits of hugs and kisses here and there. Or maybe he'll show up, with a sudden bouquet of flowers. And Kenji would be torn between asking "Where'd you get those?" and "What's the occasion?"

Oikawa could see right through him. His eyes would twinkle mischievously, like a galaxy bristling with stars, grinning. "Would you believe me if I told you an angel descended from heaven and specifically instructed me to bring you these blossoms?"

Kenji would raise an eyebrow. "Did the angel tell you what it's for?"

A fake gasp, and a giggle. "Why, Niro¬-chan. It's for our anniversary of course. I expected you to remember." he scolded.

"We don't have an anniversary." There was no grand confession, and somehow they just ended up where they were. There were no dates to remember it by.

"Every day's an anniversary, Niro-chan." said Oikawa solemnly.

"So I can be expecting another one of these tomorrow?" Kenji grinned.

"No, no." Oikawa shook his head. "It took the angel a lot of power to do that- come meet me face to face. Celestial beings aren't easy. It's going to take some time to restore the angel's energy."

"And by that, you mean the flowers are expensive and you can't afford another bundle in such a short notice." Kenji translated, smirking.

Oikawa scoffed, narrowing his eyes. "Don't ruin the fantasy for the children, Niro-chan. It's awfully cruel."

He laughed. "Don't worry, Oikawa-san. This bouquet is truly magnificent, but in truth, I really don't have the slightest idea about taking care of plants, so I'll spare you the expense."

(Things seemed amazing, and the days fled by like a blur.)]

* * *

 

**_He graduated._ **

**_I'm officially a third year. Ta-da._ **

**_We're going to whip some bird butt this year. And some plant...butt I guess. Well, we were going to, but then I can't keep playing volleyball anymore. If I want to have any kind of decent future...I'll need to study. I'm not exactly the smartest person. I'm thinking Tokyo, for now._ **

Tooru widens his eyes. Now there's something he never knew.

[Time broke into a run, dashing into Kenji's graduation year and Oikawa's college freshman year.

Days got busy. Volleyball and studies. Their school year never concentrated on getting every student to higher education, so it's mostly up to the individuals to work by themselves.

"Do you have any plans for the future?" Oikawa had asked him over the phone.

"Not really." he lied. "Find some place that could use someone like me."

"That's nice."

(He's so intent on surprising Oikawa when he finally gets accepted to a Tokyo university that he didn't notice the strain in Oikawa's voice.)

He gave up his captain role after IH, like the upperclassmen before him. (Like what he promised himself he wouldn't do, because really, what else can he do?) He's never been terribly book smart, but it's the first time in life that he'd made an effort to pursue his studies. Somehow, the sheer freshness of the experience, however difficult, filled him with excitement streaking through his veins.

Kenji remembered Mai, their manager. "You're... quitting?" she'd ask him with wide, surprised saucer eyes, gawking, mouth agape. "But why? Didn't you say it yourself-"

He cut her off before she could go any further. (He didn't want to hear it. He knew it would only add on to his struggles.) "School. I've been slacking off for the past two years, using volleyball as my shield. It's about time I started _trying_."

"You can get into college perfectly fine." she argued. "Volleyball scouts." A year ago he had joked about it. One of his weird methods of motivating his new team- how they better practice volleyball so they can get scouted into college if they didn't want to study.

Kenji shook his head. "Not enough if I want to go to Tokyo."

"Tokyo?" she was suddenly alert. "Oh. This is about _him_ , isn't it?"

"Partly." he admitted. "But also because of my own concerns. I'm not stupid, Mai. I know my limits. My family's not in the best condition. I'm the man of the house. I can't dump all the burdens onto my sister. I need to take responsibility."

"But volleyball..." (is his lifelong hopes, dreams. His childhood, adolescent teenage years. The one thing he hung onto without letting go. All this time. Not even when his dad left, when his mom started slipping away. It's all he has.)

"It's not the center of my universe." Kenji told her. (It's the center of his whole being. Of what makes him who he is now.) "You know it as much as I do. Life can be cruel. I can't play volleyball forever."

"What about us?" Mai asked quietly. "We need you, captain."

"The team has grown so much. You're prepared, you just don't know it yet." Kenji's chest stung. ( _You don't need me. You never needed me_ was left unsaid. )It was heavy. He tried to change the subject to something lighter. (Anything. He just wanted to _run_.) "How's the new manager coming around?"

"I'll find a legacy in time." she scowled, swatting Kenji with her clipboard. "Just worry about your studies, captain. You have a lot of catching up to do, I assume."

It wasn't voiced out loud, but Kenji knew that Mai accepted his decision.

He didn't realize that it was a relief.]

* * *

 

**_He yelled at me today. And I yelled at him too. It wasn't pretty._ **

Tooru frowns. He knows this part by heart. It's when everything spiraled downhill and ended up in a plane crash.

[They had a fight. (Maybe it was the stress, maybe they both finally reached their limits.)

"You gave up volleyball?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Tradition. Third years retire for studies."

"Bullshit. They do that because they need to go to university. What's your excuse?"

It was like a slap, or maybe a punch. Either way, it's a dreadful pain fueling his long built anger and frustration over schoolwork.

"None of your business." he retorted sharply.

Oikawa's voice sounded cold. "You threw away volleyball. For what? Does volleyball mean nothing to you? When you still have the chance to play- do you realize the luxury?" (Volleyball was what brought them together. Without volleyball...) "Stop wasting your time. Your life-"

Kenji... (Foolish, foolish Futakuchi Kenji, throwing away his heart so generously, forgetting that he was never getting it back.)

It's hard to keep cool. (Oikawa had no idea. How dare?) "I'm not going to have this conversation with you, Oikawa-san. Not until we've both calmed down. Or whenever you stop acting like a complete prick. I have my own life, unlike you, apparently, other than to worry about whether a kouhai from another school wants to play volleyball in the future or not."

"Why do you always do this? Lashing out?"

"Like you're not doing the same thing? Yes, I get the message. I got a million times before, okay? I'm an asshole full of spite. But you're no better, Oikawa-san. You don't know my entire person, so stop acting like you're _superior_."]

* * *

 

**_How am I supposed to face him?_ **

**_He called today. I wasn't sure if I should pick up. But I did, because I'm an idiot like that apparently. I have some regrets in my life._ **

[......

Oikawa apologized over the phone a few days later.

 _Also, there's something I want to tell you_.

"There's something I want to tell you too." The test marks were out. (His studying paid off, in the end.)

They decided to reveal their respective news together the next time they meet in person. Or rather, Oikawa decided. Kenji didn't protest. (He couldn't shake off the feeling that Oikawa was _stalling_.)

"Sure."

The word felt like steel on his tongue.

Kenji always had an exceptionally accurate sixth sense. The end might be near for them. (Kenji could almost smell the dead air of a cemetery.)

Besides, the signs were there. The decrease in times they contacted, the more and more often disputes, even for them.

Kenji didn't know what he was thinking back in high school. (He wasn't.) Everyone knew that a school relationship never lasts for long.

What was he expecting?

Even if Oikawa _would_ break up with him, it wouldn't be a big deal at all. So what was he getting so worked up for?]

 

Tooru remembers that. He remembers _himself, his thoughts._

Tooru didn't know what was right anymore. All he knew was that Kenji give up volleyball.

And it's just not right. Putting "volleyball" and "giving up" in the same sentence.

It's conflicted, for him.

He craved to play volleyball again, so so much but couldn't because of his knee injury that bubbled up again recently. Watching Futakuchi play was comforting, in a way, but it did nothing to stop the lust-filled gaping black hole in his heart.

Then Futakuchi stop playing.

Tooru didn't know anything, only chaos. He was so... confused. By the relief blooming forth, and the agonized wails echoing over and over and over.

He hated it, hated himself for feeling that way.

But above all, he hated that Futakuchi had given up when he still had time, had the privilege.

He didn't have the right or control over anything or anyone…

He couldn't see, couldn't think. Didn't know how to face the younger teen anymore.

He wanted everything to

Stop.

The swirling died down.

Tooru always promised himself that he would live a life without regrets.

He didn't want to regret Futakuchi Kenji.

But either way, everything was already done.

Still, he wanted change, _to fix_. Wanted to _restore_ the life Futakuchi had back in high school. (Even if it was without him...)

He knew he was doomed to regret, from the start.

He picked up the phone and dialed the ever so familiar number.

It wasn't three rings before Futakuchi picked up.

“Oikawa- _san_?”

“Niro- _ch-_ ” he stopped himself short. “ _Ne,_ Kenji- _chan._ ” (Tooru hated when Futakuchi was all prickly and defensive.)

"What are you calling for?" his voice was still cold, distant. Maybe he was still mad at the outburst a while ago.

Tooru didn't blame him. He had every right to be, given his reaction. He knew he should have been understanding, supportive. Because it couldn't have been easy for Futakuchi either. But no, he was too caught up in his own world to be considerate.

"I'm sorry." he said. "For screaming at you the other day. I should have been more thoughtful of your feelings."

When Futakuchi spoke again, his voice was much friendlier. "Oh. It's okay, I guess. Apology accepted. I shouldn't have shot back like that either. Sorry, Oikawa- _san_."

(They've both hit a nerve.)

"It's alright." Tooru's heart was going a hundred kilometers per hour, and he could literally feel the courage seeping out of his body through his breaths, dripping out of his ears, sliding off of his skin. Tooru had to hurry before it went away... "Also, there's something I want to tell you."

There was a pause. (Tooru could hear his own breathing being echoed from the other side of the line.)

"There's something I want to tell you too."

"You go first."

"After you." Futakuchi insisted.

The courage slipped away completely, leaving him raw and unprepared, a mess, sweaty and nervous and twitching. He wanted to speak, to cut it off, once and for all, but- "How about this, next time we meet up, we can both tell each other the thing we need to tell?"

(He chickened out. He's trying to buy himself time, and he sensed that Futakuchi must know that too.)

He didn't push. "Sure."

Somehow, it sounded grave and grim, like a death sentence.

A horrible mistake. A monster made of language.

Tooru didn't regret. It was too late to regret.

Until next time. _Until next time_.

He was starting to hope that next time never came.

It came. Obviously

(Eventually.)

(Inevitably.)

(Bringing dread.)

(And the repelling stench of crushed trust, hopes and dreams.)

Tooru knew it was coming, but what he didn't know was the reason. Futakuchi knew everything, yet he still chose to end it ahead of plan.

(Maybe he wanted to grab something _back_ from Tooru.)

**_It's coming it's it? We're just not right together anymore. He couldn't understand my choices. That's fine. I'm fine. I have a life I should've started living years ago._ **

* * *

 

**_I'm going to Tokyo. I'm in control now. Now him._ **

[Kenji took the last train to Tokyo that night.

He looked up. There was a storm brewing. A smile inched its way up to his grim mouth. The perfect setting for a dramatic piece.

Kenji phoned Iwaizumi, who was a bit startled by the sudden call, but offered his assistance immediately.

It wasn't hard to locate his destination after that.]

* * *

 

**_I went. And there's nothing I can do to change anything. But at least I knew what to expect so it wasn't that hard._ **

**_It was kind of hard._ **

[There's water in his eyes, washing back up his nostrils, pooling in his ears densely, and squeezing between his clenched teeth, leaving a salty trail past his tongue and down his throat.

(It's choking him, forcing air out of his lungs. Water dripping a stream down the tip of his hair, a flood freefalling along his cheeks, crashing down his neck and rushing in his already soaked school uniform.

He sits there on the bench, shoulders slouched, legs crossed at the ankles.

He's sitting outside the school building, facing the glass doors. A few girls shuffle out the door, giggling, and pads over, looking worried, asking him if he needs some sort of cover. "An umbrella, maybe? Or do you want to go inside?" (He thanks them with his charming smile but brushes them off anyway.)

The doors groan open once more two minutes later.

Kenji perks up at the sudden rush of light blinding his view. (And he squints just a bit.)

Now _there's_ the culprit.

The way he's suddenly alert (like a deer caught in the headlights, or a lover caught cheating) is so comical Kenji almost laughs despite the heavy atmosphere. "Niro- _chan_ , what-? Why-?" It's a bit hard to hear his voice over the sound of the downpour from the skies. "Gosh, you're all _wet_! Why in the world would you be sitting in the rain?" Then a heartbeat later, his hands are over Kenji, ushering him into the protection of under the small umbrella; then fumbling through his bag, mumbling. "...towel, towel... Shit, where'd I put it?"

Kenji slaps his hand away as gently as he could to get the message across. "It's fine, Oikawa- _san_ , I am already completely drenched from head to toe anyway."

"No, it's most definitely _not_ fine." Oikawa snaps, "You could catch a cold! How are you here in the first place?"

"Iwaizumi- _san_ was the one who gave me the directions."

"I meant," he sighed. "Why?"

"You said you had something to tell me. Over the phone? But you never said anything."

"So you _came all the way to Tokyo?_ "

"Yes."

(Kenji thinks he might be crying now, but he hopes that his stupid tears would blend into the rain so Oikawa can't tell.)

"Why would you come down all the way to Tokyo just to hear something I didn't tell you over the phone? Didn't we confirm I was going to tell you the next time we...meet."

"And you didn't think that 'next time' would be right now."

"No..." he looks like he's still in awe. "Why did you come?"

"Because you're going to break up with me."

"I... what?"

Kenji tips his chin up in a defiant manner. (He's stubborn like that. Very.) "And I thought that if I came all the way here, you wouldn't have the heart to send me away anymore." (He doesn't know if his voice is cracking. He hopes not.)

"How did you get that idea?"

"You called me 'Kenji'. You never called me that."

"I-"

Oikawa looks truly helpless. His eyes are all wide, and his lips wobbling, like when he does when he's about to lie. His usually perfectly arched eyebrows are scrunched up miserably. (Why is he the one upset when Kenji was the one who should be getting distraught?)

"Kenji..."

"You're breaking up with me, aren't you?"

"Yes. I'm sorry. We just can't continue like this anymore. It's tiring, and it's eating at you as much as it's eating at me. It's going to end sooner or later, and I'd rather it end when it's still pleasant."

"You find this pleasant?" Kenji laughs out loud, stepping out under the rain, raising his voice. "Under the heavy rain? You know, it's really nothing like those romantic movies? Like when rain is pouring down, but the actors still get to look wonderful and their makeup don't even run off? It's kind of stupid. I mean, we aren't wearing makeup right now, or are you, Oikawa- _san_?"

"You're rambling again."

"I know. I told you I do it sometimes when I'm panicking."

"Are you panicking?"

Kenji rolls his eyes, a bit exasperated. "You would too if your boyfriend suddenly decided that he wants to break up with you because he can't deal with the pressure of long-distance. You know, Oikawa- _san_ , I was waiting for when things calm down, and maybe we would have more time together. But I guess I don't have to anymore, huh?"

"Don't say it like that." Oikawa frowns, grabbing the front of Kenji's shirt and drags him back under the umbrella.

"Sound like what?"

"Like...Never mind." he runs a hand through his (dry and fluffy) brown locks. "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not. You think you're doing the right thing." Kenji taunts.

"And you think I'm _not_?" Oikawa frowns. "Don't be selfish. I'm doing this for the both of us."

"'The both of us.' Look who's selfish now?"

Suddenly he is nine again, (His sister's age, such a wee and tender number) watching his father walk out of the door one day and never return. (It was such a sunny day when he left. Birds when singing. Flowers were blooming. It was one of those perfect days that nothing would go wrong.)

"Stop being so childish." (This coming from a man-child.)

"Okay then." Kenji steps back into the rain, dodging before Oikawa manages to get another grasp on him, zipping open his (completely soaked) bag and pulls out a foldable umbrella.

Oikawa looks dumbfounded. "You have an umbrella?"

"I'd rather not have pedestrians giving me weird looks."

"But why didn't you _use it_?"

Kenji makes a face. "So I'd look less intimidating and more approachable."

"Is this some kind of _joke_ to you?"

He smirks, pushing his bangs back, and takes a mock bow. "I guess this is good-bye, Oikawa- _san_. I'd like to say it's been a pleasure but it really hasn't been." He takes a few small steps back, inching away and towards the school gates.

He hears Oikawa's rushed voice behind his back. "You're going to get sick! Just swing by my-"

Kenji turns, just for a second, shooting back a "I don't think that's appropriate anymore, Oikawa- _san_."

"How are you going to get _back_? The last train to Miyaji already left the station."

"Not going back yet, but thanks for the concern."

He turns back and _runs_. He doesn't halt when he hears Oikawa call his name in distress from behind him. (He doesn't look back when a dense sound of something falling rings out, followed by a splash and a low-toned voice of a vile curse.)

He didn't tell Oikawa that he got accepted into a Tokyo university.

The wind is in his hair and in his eyes but everything is so heavy from the water.

He crashed at Akaashi's that night. He was welcome, and didn't interrogate Kenji too hard even when he suddenly showed up, dripping water on the apartment doormat, (even though Kenji could almost be certain that it's because Akaashi saw right through him and guessed about 70% of the story) just invited him in, directed him to the showers and dug up some fresh clothes for him.

Kenji thanked him, scraping out the undelivered remains of what used to be a flower from the pocket of his jacket.

It was exactly one year after the "anniversary".]

 

Tooru thinks back about it...

There was so much he wanted to say to the boy. (But Futakuchi was right in front of him. How could he say to Futakuchi's face: sorry, but I can't watch you take volleyball for granted, then throw it away like worthless garbage into the trash chute. I can't stand you giving up the dream that I can never ever have.)

He never gave Futakuchi a reason, and the boy never questioned either. Just left. As swift as the wind, leaving Tooru in the dust like nothing ever happened.

It's frustrating, how Futakuchi never even bothered knowing the cause of their drifting apart. (Futakuchi was a rebel, and never accepted anything he couldn't take without a reason. Yet, he didn't even bother fighting or protesting.)

Tooru never saw such expression on Futakuchi's face. (And he thought he'd seen all, knew all.)

* * *

 

**_There's no point in staying._ **

**_Akaashi offered to see me off, but he should be getting to cram school. I shouldn't keep him from that. He's a man of magic, I swear._ **

Akaashi, as in Akaashi Keiji. The captain of the Tokyo powerhouse Fukurodani, and a good friend of Futakuchi's. That's about as much as Tooru knew about the teen.

[He went back to Miyaji the next day (stared a bit when Akaashi handed him his already done laundry the next morning wordlessly).

To keep himself occupied, Kenji found a nice simple job as an apprentice of a local car fix. (Pays alright. And it's close to home, too. Close to his roots, and the people who need him.)]

* * *

 

**_...What more should I say about it?_ **

[If this was what being a vampire is like (dead inside, numb), then Kenji thought he could finally understand why they are always so intent on human flesh.

(They were starving for _anything,_ clear blood pumping in veins, a healthy, beating heart, any _emotion,_ to remind them of warmth, of the feeling of being _alive_.)

He was surprised, actually, at how much the break up affected him. He hadn't eaten since the previous day, hadn't slept more than ten minutes at a time. His eyes were bloodshot when he looked into a mirror, heavy with bags.

He didn't expect the emptiness.

Kenji told himself that he would live. That it was just _one boy_. What impact could it have on his life? The one thing he kept building since the moment he was made?

(His life was falling apart. Cracks expanding, threatening to break)

He would survive. He would close his eyes, and count from one to a hundred, and after that, he would be alright.

He believed himself. (He lied to himself.)]

* * *

 

**_Aone didn't comment much. I appreciate that._ **

["And that's the story of how Oikawa Tooru broke up with me." Kenji concluded.

His friend did nothing but a nod to indicate that he was listening.

Kenji smiled. Despite everything that happened, some things still stayed the same. That's what he liked best about Aone, the boy never gave any unnecessary attention. Exactly what he needed at the moment. Calm.

 _Are you okay?_ was the message conveyed in Aone's gaze as far as he deduced.

"Don't worry. My dad disappeared on my family when I was nine. My mom might as well did the same. My sister left us for school two years ago. As you can see, I'm good with abandonment."

That's why he liked Aone. He would talk, and Aone would listen.

The disapproving look in Aone's glare told Kenji that his friend didn't believe him. Kenji pretended not to notice.

(Because he knew it too. HE was the worst with abandonment. Always have been, always will be.)]

* * *

 

**_Mai had a lot of thought. I appreciate that too._ **

["After all that, he _still_ broke it off with you? After everything you did for him?"

"I didn't do it for him. I did for me. And if he couldn't accept that, then this is for the best." Kenji looked unfazed. "I knew he was going to. I was just there to establish it. I started the whole thing, I gotta be there when it truly ends. I don't want to have to...feign surprise for something I knew was bound to happen."

"So... are you alright?"

He shrugged. "I saw it coming. I had the time to brace myself. I'll be perfectly fine."

(He wasn't and will never be because he is broken, was, and forever will be.)

"He was never actually serious with me. Just... some boy to pass the time." Kenji looked out the window, resting a hand on his knee caps, hugging himself tighter. "We were always on that... transparent borderline that's impossible to define. I don't know _why_ he tried to make it official. But he did. And I never protested. So I guess it can't be helped." then he laughed, at himself, more so than anything else. "After all, I'm a bit far from the petite sweet girls in his dreams." his mouth tastes of bile.

"Oh please," she rolled her eyes. "Oikawa Tooru is a complete playboy. He had the look. The history. It's not worth it over him when he's a bastard who doesn't know to be grateful. He didn't even know, did he? What you were thinking about, what you were planning for your future?"

It's why he liked Mai, her chatter matched his perfectly, and she's exactly the talker that can soothe his mind and distract his attention, exactly what he needed at the moment. Company.]

* * *

 

He wants to stop listening. But he can't. His fingers work silently, fumbling with the buttons.

**_What's interesting is the school invitation hasn't expired yet. I mean it has, but they reached out to me again, for the last time, it seems._ **

**_I don't think I can go._ **

[He found a new email in his inbox. It was the university, inquiring him if he would join the new April school year.

"What are you going to do?" asked Mai, as they studied the message together.

They had been clear. It was his last chance to claim his reserved spot. Or Kenji would have to retake the exams.

"I don't know."

"I think you should take it." Mai told him.

"It's in Tokyo." Kenji replied harshly.

"You can't continue to have your life revolved around that. Take a step. Do something for yourself, for once. Tokyo is a busy city. What are the odds?"

(More likely than either of them thought, apparently)

Kenji printed out the attached file, and started refilling the application form.

Late January.]

**_Mai thinks I should go._ **

* * *

 

**_..._ **

**_He's back. From the hospital, that is._ **

**_Well, he has a cast. But he's getting better. Maybe._ **

**_..._ **

**_He's not back, but I wish he is._ **

 

A silence.

 

 **_Are you listening to this, Oikawa-_ ** **san _?_**

**_I think I might give this to you._ **

**_I think I will give this to you._ **

**_This is a piece of my life, a habit I kept for a long time. I've tried deleting the entries from long ago but for some reason, I just can't do it with the ones that include you..._ **

**_Don't get this wrong. It's only because I'm annoyed at you. I have been for the past two years. It's a constant annoyance in my brain, ticking off._ **

**_Wait no, that came out wrong. You're going to take this the wrong way._ **

**_Whatever. What do I have to lose anyway? I'm already pouring out my heart to you with this. Wouldn't matter if I embarrassed myself for a bit._ **

**_I hope you feel sorry for what you did after listening._ **

**_...I'm sorry I didn't mean that._ **

**_I just hope you could stop lying in the hospital. It's such a dreadful place. Not suitable for you at all._ **

* * *

 

Kenji sees him when he opens his door for his daily routine.

Twist. The doorknob squeaks. Push. The door slides open.

Look.

He's there.

Key in his hand, shuffling the end into the lock, jiggling. Oikawa's gotten clumsy. Maybe he's not used to the new addition of bandages. Maybe the small stings are disturbing him.

"Oikawa- _san_?" he speaks, reflectively, before he has time to think.

Oikawa jumps. Then flinches at the pain shooting up his leg because of his sudden jerk. He turns. (Wobbling, not quite balanced yet.) "Niro- _chan_."

"You're back."

"I am."

He's standing there, body language open. Reachable at fingertips length.

"Are you expecting me to give you a hug?"

"A hug would be nice." he waggles his eyebrows, holding open his arms.

(And yes, he's _back._ Smirks and cocky attitude and he playfulness. He's _back_.)

Kenji steps forward and holds him for a split second before letting go. (Breathing in, it's like a home he hasn't been forever.)

The surprise on his face is worth it, and Kenji throws back his head and _laughs_. (The first time in so long.)

* * *

 

**_He gave me the tape recorder back._ **

**_He has the nerve to tell me that it's lame to still be using a tape recorder. "Technical kids these days use their smart phones for everything," he said._ **

**_"Maybe I'm traditional." I told him._ **

**_Then he laughed at me._ **

"What happens now?"

Kenji raises his eyebrow. "What happens now, _indeed._ Shouldn't you be answering that, Oikawa- _san_?"

"I wouldn't _dare_." he says. "I mean, I never properly apologized."

Kenji looks at him, waiting.

Oikawa takes a shallow breath. "I'm sorry. I didn't see it from your point of view. I was being selfish, and thinking that I knew best for both of us. But I didn't even got to know your situation before deciding everything on my own. And I was stupid enough to hypnotize myself that we parted on good terms, and it was what had to be done when we should've talked it out."

"It was the sensible thing to do." Kenji agrees.

"Yes. So I apologize. For using my elder age as an excuse to act over you, blatantly think that I was the mature one, therefore granted me the right to do anything I like."

He sighs. "You're doing it again, Oikawa- _san_ , the thing you just said."

"What?" Oikawa knits his eyebrows, troubled.

"Going on and on and not listening to what the younger one has to say." he points to himself. "It was never just you. So stop trying to shoulder all the blame."

Oikawa looks at him, surprised, but Kenji isn't quite done speaking yet.

"It took both of us to ruin the relationship, and it's going to take both of us to repair it too. I get that now."

_ (Tooru is gaping. He wants to say something but his throat is closing up and all he manages is a few silent bubbles boiling in his mouth.) _

"And this might come as a surprise to you," Kenji carries on. "but right now, all I want to do is focus on my studies."

_ (His throat finally unlocks) _

"Look at you." Oikawa says, a tease in his undertones. "All good and responsible."

"Listen here, I don't want to end up homeless and begging for food on the streets wearing nothing but shorts after I graduate without skills to keep me fed."

"Don't be absurd. I'd pick you up from the streets and adopt you before you could go starving." Oikawa huffs. (He is definitely teasing now.) "Besides, if you are wearing nothing but shorts, I doubt that body of yours would allow you to go penny-less."

"Oh?" Kenji cracks a cautious grin. "I'll hold you to that, then. Point is, I think I'll lay off all this soap opera for a while. Stay low."

"Futakuchi Kenji, taking a break from drama?" the older teen muses. "Never thought I'd live to see the day."

"Yeah." he shrugs. "Me neither."

"Say, how long do you reckon this calm, drama-free life to last?"

"Give it time, Oikawa- _san_." he rolls his eyes, but they are filled with amusement.

"How does two months sound to you?"

"My," Kenji fans himself deliberately. "Are you hitting on me, Oikawa- _san_? Again?"

"Nonsense, Niro- _chan_." he is also smiling now, grin board (and so _so familiar_ ) across his face, "What did I tell you all that time ago?"

"I'll _know_ when you're hitting on me."

"Precisely." Oikawa widens his beam. "On the other hand, how would you like having a nice, stable boyfriend right now who promises to keep a reasonable distance when necessary as a respect of your privacy?"

"Okay, _now_ you're hitting on me."

"You're learning, Niro- _chan_." Oikawa's eyes are glinting brightly. "So? How about it?" his expression turns more serious. "I can't promise that the not listening won't happen ever again, but I can guarantee you that I'll _try_. I'll try to understand, to take what you tell me to heart. To put you into consideration, and stop dismissing you just because you're younger." Oikawa looks at him, and his gaze is as challenging as ever. But then, when Kenji studies deeper, he sees uncertain, and almost coyness. (It's unimaginable.) "What I'm saying here is, the choice is in your hands now. I want you to know that you always have a say in matters."

Kenji snorts, and is met with Oikawa's startled expression. "Please, I already _know_ that without you telling me." he mocks. (He sees the relief in Oikawa's face, as he realizes that it's okay now. They're good again.)

"Come back to me in two months." he tells Oikawa. "Then we'll talk."

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for all the typos and mistakes.  
> @thebottomlesspitofbottomlessness is my tumblr thank you people.  
> Please leave a kudos and/or a review as you go if you liked this or if there's something you'd like to say!! It would really mean a lot to me!


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